Fork in the Road

well...half empty

2010-06-10T20:32:00.004-06:00

This is my year. I've been saying that all year. I'm 30 this year. I will make great things happen this year. I will try things I've never tried before. I will take chances in love and life that I have previously not taken.
These simple resolutions have been my mantra.

it hasn't exactly been that way so far...
The place I worked, and loved working at, closed.
Someone tried to break into my house, while I was in my house. Someone broke into the neighbor's house. I bought a gun to try and restore my sense of well being, of sanity. My 30th birthday rolled through, and with it, a short visit from Depression. The vehicle that I own, and love, needed more than just my fond feelings to keep it running lately. My step-father, again, who I love, had a heart attack. The man that I have grown emotionally attached to, left for Alaska.

really?

But this is my year. I refuse to let the circumstances of life rob me of the joy of the journey.
So, I moved. I feel safe again. My dogs are happy with their backyard, my Jeep is happy with her garage, and I couldn't be happier with my new place. It's so cute, I should buy an apron with lace on the bottom. Seriously, it's adorable. There are still boxes stacked about; I've only just finished moving tonight. Somehow, though, I am the most calm I've been in a while. Maybe it's the clean start. Maybe it's the chance to refresh, re-organize and re-invent. As I sit here with my cup of tea, after a long day of moving, and hauling and putting furniture together, I am reaffirming that this is my year. I will still accomplish things this year that I never knew possible. Not because I am 30, but because I am a fighter. I will fight for peace and meaning in my own life. I will fight to show the people that I love how much they are a part of me. I will fight to find the happiness that I deserve.
And when all that is over, I will sit on my porch, cup of tea, and be overwhelmed by how great life can be...kinda like I am tonight.

What do you do when the glass looks half empty? Yell "bartender, another drink please!"

the channels of my fortune..

2010-03-20T23:37:00.002-06:00

Today’s romance horoscope: (from Glamour.com)

What your love life needs is some pointless adventure. So go out with someone you know is all wrong for you, but who is ever so charming and adorable. What's life without a little mischief? (Answer: extremely dull.)

wow..who comes up with this shit? Whoever it is..I LOVE IT!

oh, and my fortune cookie message today?
"The next few days are a lucky time for you. You can take a chance"

Not bad for a day when the spring solstice has occured and it's snowing outside. Yeah, I know, there are many places in the country that will still have snow for a while, but I live in Texas. The place where bluebonnets have already starting blooming, and I've layed out by a pool already this year.

But appearantly, craziness is the word of the day!

roadkill potential....

2010-03-17T02:19:00.004-06:00

There are moments in life when the circle is very apparent. You know, the circle that confirms that what goes around, comes around; that Karma is real, and that every action has a reaction..blah blah blah. I'm not unique in my saga today. Many people have been where I stand today, many have known the feeling. But it still my plight today, to be reminded that I am lucky.

Not long ago, I fell for a man. A charming, charismatic, talented man. He inspired me to be a better musician, to write and play more than I normally would. We would write music together, and challenge each other in something we both loved.
After the guitar strings no longer rang, and the songs were lost, I began to feel something. Something, that now I know, was a big red flag. There were too many phone calls, too many other girls that were texting late in the night.
And I was right. Not before my heart was invloved, but I was right. In fact, I was more than right. I was the other woman. I was the very essence of an idea that I hated. I didn't know it at the time, but I know it now. I know it, because I wasn't the only one. I wasn't the only one that felt a certain amount of guilt that comes with thinking that you couldn't keep your man happy. I have found that guilt is easier than the raw pain. It is something that I can justify, that I can personify to blame a broken heart on.
After time, as with all my hurts, I learn the proper place for the hard lesson I learned. In lyrics that I am proud of, that I smile when I sing now. In a friendship that was most unexpected. (Who would have found a friend in his girlfriend?) In a smarter, wiser, and slightly more cautious version of myself.

I have learned, just today, that he will be marrying the little tart that he messed around on me with.

I am so lucky to not be that girl!

2010-02-28T12:17:00.004-06:00

When the sun starts to warm the dirt again, and I feel like my feet are finally starting to thaw, thats when I feel like I am back to life. " Just make it through the winter..spring isn't far away". Maybe it's the only way to make it through when things look like they might not work...just hang in there. I like to think I'm coming into the spring of my life as well. It's been a rough winter, emotionally, financially, and mentally. But, I can see the grass beginning to grow through the snow, and yes, there has been enough snow in Texas this year to understand that comparison.

So, Winter, you no longer scare me. I know that the warm weather is so close. I know that soon the trees will be green. I can almost feel the sunshine on my skin.

and it's that time again

2009-11-25T21:41:00.002-06:00

How did it get to be thanksgiving already? I'm on the verge of a day of eating and visiting with the family, and taking naps, and picking at left overs...all the things I love about the holidays. *sigh* I am thankful for many things..mostly that I am at my mom's house, curled up on the guest bed, with my dogs, watching Steel Magnolias. I am thankful for the year that I have had. I won't list all the things that I'm thankful for..too cliche, but I hope that your holiday is something that makes you stop and think. I hope that you are surrounded by people you love, and that you have enough.

happy holiday

Merrily We Roll Along...

2009-06-08T23:27:00.000-06:00

So, I'm driving home Sunday night. I'm not in a big hurry, but I'm moving along. My mind is preoccupied with the 25 things I need to do when I get home.
Then I see it. Its a car. Its an early model convertible, with 2 white haired people in it..and its going really slow.
Damn it. And on a 2 lane.

I realize that they are out for a Sunday drive, enjoying the open air, maybe something classic on the stereo, and enjoying each other. Its almost dark, and I haven't the heart to ruin their Sunday cruise with my headlights directly behind them. To avoid tail-gating them, now I'm driving 30 miles and hour as well.
Great...
But then something happened. I let all of me slow down. I'm normally the one reminding you to take a look around once in a while, make sure you aren't missing the journey in search of the destination.
I had to be the one reminded this time...
With the summer upon us, there are many opportunities to enjoy the journey. Maybe that's what "The Fork in the Road" is..a look at the journey while en route to the destination.
So, take a look around. Find a local farmers market, if you can, and smell the fruits of summer. Lay by the pool, with plenty of sunscreen, and feel the sunshine. If you live in Fort worth, catch the free fireworks show from the Botanic Gardens every weekend through this month. If you aren't lucky enough to live here, find something that makes you stop, and just breathe in life a little.

when I think of you (both)

2009-04-07T18:32:00.001-06:00

Sometimes, it's a song. I hear it on the radio and I stop, catch my breath, and mouth along with the words; I don't have the heart to sing the words out loud. In one refrain, I am transported to another place, with warm sunshine, cool waters, and contentment. Somewhere between the lines that rhyme, are the stories that we wrote together.

Sometimes, like today, its an old friend asking how you are. He doesn't know...so I tell him that you are great, that life is always a surprise, and that's the way we like it. He says to tell you "hi", and I promise to do so.

Okie says hi.

question of the day

2009-03-16T20:24:00.000-06:00

..I don't sleep.
...I don't eat.
...I cry now and then.
...I walk around my house.
...I get dressed up and listen to people tell me "we will consider you"
...I question who I am and what I know.
...I wonder what tomorrow brings

What am I?

Just another unemployed american

random things

2009-03-14T15:43:00.004-06:00

You know you are getting older when carrying an umbrella on a rainy Friday night seems like a smart idea, not a detriment to looking cool!

They have books on the History of Farts, but nothing on "How to Be Sure You Aren't Wasting Your Life"

Most days I hate Facebook. Your drama is so much more important to you than it is to me.

something familiar

2009-01-30T09:51:00.000-06:00

I know it has been too long, but as always the road has taken some twist and turns. Like any good navigator, I am back on track, and ready for the next roadside attraction!
I hope your trip is going great!!!

doh

2008-10-14T16:33:00.008-06:00

There are times when even I do stupid things. I have a feeling that it's not a good idea, but I do it anyway. One of these days I will learn to listen to that little voice. Until then, I will keep shaking my head at myself for just being stupid. Luckily, I'm ok this one, and I will be in the not stupid zone soon!!
I think we should throw a party when I get back to feeling smart again! What kind of decorations do you use for that?

small thoughts

2008-10-04T16:41:00.003-06:00

I should be inspired to write something, I have so many things on my mind, but I also have alot of things on my plate as well.

So until I have more time to visit, I leave you with this....

yeah, yeah

2008-08-28T12:37:00.002-06:00

not that Miley Cyrus EVER crosses my mind for more than 20 seconds, but in my daily internet catch up, I actually read an article about her.
That article was good enough, and the additional videos were entertaining enough, I thought I would waste a whole post on her. (but if you read it fast enough, it won't take more than 30 seconds of your time!)

check it

Serendipity

2008-07-29T20:59:00.003-06:00

Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely.

This singular definition can sum up my entire life up to this point. When looking for something, be it the idealism in my post collegic years, the chance to prove that I was the person I knew I could be, or taking necessary steps to survive and pay the bills, there are always the good things along the way that make the journey as great as the destination. Today, I know I am where I am suppose to be. My life is just what I was looking for.

I can't wait to see the things I wasn't looking for.

so I'm a Monkey

2008-07-07T00:49:00.002-06:00

I found my Chinese horoscope..I'm not sure I like it..I sound like a flighty, selfish party animal.....

The spunky Monkey is the original party animal! Charming and energetic, Monkeys crave fun, activity and stimulation. They truly know how to have a good time and can often be seen swinging from one group of friends to another, attracting a motley crew in the process. Always upbeat, they are considered minor celebrities in their circle thanks to their sparkling wit and that rapier-sharp mind. Perhaps surprisingly, Monkeys are also good listeners and tackle complicated situations with ease. This Sign's natural curiosity lends it the desire to become knowledgeable on a broad range of topics. Monkeys have a show-off side that loves nothing more than to dazzle their pals with all they know.
The Monkey tends to be rather accident-prone due to a certain lack of very high morals. This Sign's first interest is pursuing its own pleasure; this is not a malicious interest, it's just the way the Monkey is. However, this kind of carefree self-involvement can lead to all kinds of scrapes. In love, the Monkey makes a fun, exciting lover -- but one that may have the potential to stray romantically. The good news is, the Monkey’s glib manner and witty repartee can often get this Sign out of a scrape. Perhaps not everyone will be won over by the Monkey -- but do you think the Monkey really cares? The Monkey's world, full of devil-may-care energy and revelry, isn't for everyone. Remember, though, it's not that this Sign is mean; it might just be a bit too curious for its own good. Monkeys often feel the need to try everything at least once, which can make for a merry-go-round of relationships.
The Monkey's love of self-indulgence can also lead to other types of trouble. This Sign may have limited self-control concerning food, alcohol and other pleasurable activities. It's party time all the time for the Monkey, yet when it leads to a monster hangover or a shattered heart (generally someone else's, not theirs), this Sign might actually show a touch of remorse. They won't flat-out admit the error of their ways, but at least they'll pull back and try to tone things down -- for a while.
Monkeys must try to learn to think of others ahead of themselves, at least some of the time. This Sign's world will be more complete once it realizes the world doesn't revolve around it.

my latest project

2008-06-12T21:49:00.004-06:00

I know in the blog world, it can be a bit impersonal, hiding behind our anonymity, but this is something very personal to me. I recorded this version of the National Anthem just recently, and was very proud of not only the audio, but of the video that it was placed over (many kudos to the producer, as it was not me)

I hope you enjoy

a new day

2008-05-15T17:15:00.005-06:00

Just as suspected, the gloomy mood didn't last, and today, the world is a little brighter place. I hate that unexpected slip into the dark places, but alas, it happens.

A talk with a good friend, a great glass of wine, and some sleep are good remedies, should this ever happen upon you! It's something like making your own sunshine, even when the clouds still loom over the horizon.

clouds in the road

2008-05-11T00:41:00.005-06:00

sometimes it is hard to be the momma bear, being the shoulder for everyone else. It's not that I don't have the words or the time, but today, I'm the one that needs the support.

The world is a dingy grey color today, not black, but somewhere I can feel very alone, and sometimes, a bit useless.

I know that tomorrow, or even the next day, I will be back to my old self, full of cheer and encouraging words. The sun will shine, and I will once again realize how lucky I am, and be overwhelmed with thankfulness that my life is simple and at times, drama free. But for tonight, I will indulge just a bit, and be bothered by things that I normally don't think much about.

*my bed seems really lonely with only me in it

*I'm staring 30 years old straight in the face, and wonder what I have to show for it

* I haven't slept well in a while, because I feel a but unsafe in my house

thoughts from the corner of my mind

2008-05-04T21:00:00.003-06:00

I believe in you
I believe that you will see the situation clearly, even if it's not today.
I believe that you are the great person I see underneath the pain and the uncertainty that plagues you today.
I believe that you are trying to fill a void that is painful, that makes you question how the rest of your life will turn out.
I believe that we have time. I believe that you can keep looking for something to fill that void, but that I will still be waiting to hold your hand. Don't look for other things too hard, I don't want something harmful to you making you forget.
I believe that you will see the truth, that you will see the worth that I see, that you will let yourself love again.
and when you do, I will be there

spring in the air

2008-03-04T15:58:00.005-06:00

I thought spring was here, then snow arrives. I love Texas!

I love Texas in the spring especially. I've been back here a year this past month, and as I sit here this afternoon, with sunshine blazing through the open windows , the dogs playing in the yard, I think back at what a year its been. It has been a busy one, getting establisthed, starting a new life. I'm now on the course of slowing down a bit, enjoying more margaritas on patios, and more cookouts with friends.

I start a new job tomorrow, one very simliar to the one I've had all this past year, just a different place. I am excited about more money, new opportunites. I will get more time to ride my bike, which I love to do, more time for a life.

My birthday rolls around this weekend. It tends to be a time of reflection, time to make sure life is on the course I want, and to access what needs to be changed. I seem to be starting off rather well, with a better job in tow, and a great Texas summer ahead!

Welcome 2008

2008-01-09T21:50:00.000-06:00

How did the new year get here already? I just looked up from working 7 days a week, and damn if it ain't January. I'm trying to keep up on the voting habits of people in New Hampshire, enjoy this crazy warm weather we had the last couple of days, and I' ve joined the ranks of Bicycle Greats like T-Bone, and now I have 2 wheels of exercise and entertainment. OOO, I LIKE IT. More on that later.

There's been what my grandad calls " a little math in the family..you know a little adding, a little subtracting"

Gertie's adopted sister, LuLu, went to live with a really nice family over the holiday.
She and Gertie weren't getting along too well, and I can't have that. Gertie is my girl. So LuLu has a nice family with some kids and a little life in teh country. Meanwhile, back in the city, this is my new addition ------------------------------------->
That would be Ruth Ann. Her and Gertie are like peas in a pod, and that makes me happy.

With the home life in order, I have taken up riding a bike. Oh, it's not something ambious like marathons and the like, it's just rides in the afternoon, since it's much like Spring these days. Besides, exercise never hurt anyone!
Mom and my stepdad have also joined the peddle pushers, and they ride together..aww how cute.

Well, heck, Happy New year all. Hope your holidays were a blast, or at least tolerable.
We'll talk more later!
Love ya, mean it!

Giving Thanks

2007-11-22T19:17:00.000-06:00

Happy Holiday!

Time Change, Time for Change

2007-11-04T21:07:00.000-06:00

Where did the year go?

Once again, we get an extra hour to fill with things to do, mostly holiday shopping for me right now. Yeah, I'm that girl. I will have all my shopping and wrapping done by Dec 1st, with the exception of baked goods. Cause really, nothing says happy holidays like stale cookies!!! I've been that girl for years. Spending time in radio, you know that December is a busy month with charities, and christmas parades, and holiday parties. This will be the first year I don't have to worry about walking in christmas parades in every town for 30 miles and throwing candy at poor unsuspecting children. This year, freezing my ass off for the sake of ratings had been replaced by bring cheer to others by way of holiday parties that are hosted at the restuarant. It's like a dream come true! Throwing parties in my place where I don't have to wash dishes, worry about the furniture, or run out of booze! Now, I can sit back, enjoy the holidays and "Merry Christmas to all!" Not really. Starting in less than a month, I will begin working 7 days a week. I have a feeling once Christmas actually gets here, I will be looking for the inspiration that makes my usualy holiday spirit flourish.

Before the frenzy of twinkle lights and garland, I'm trying to enjoy this great fall. I threw a dinner party last night, very small. 3 people, but it can be a dinner party with 1 person! Sitting outside, roasting homemade marshmellows, and laughing, trying to keep the puppies from out of the gooey mess I dropped...it was a good moment.

This still my weekend, so I've got a few things left to do.

Before I go, I thought a couple of pictures would be in order...

Gertie fast asleep, and with her new adopted sister, LuLu

three things you can't live without

2007-10-12T22:04:00.000-06:00

Had to kinda think about that question...how broad do you make it?
I thought about cheesy answers, like my favorite red handbag, or Starbucks.

Then I thought about serious answers, like family and working transportation.

After careful consideration, I think I fall somewhere in somewhere in the middle.

Three things I can't live without:
1. my dog. She reminds me that things are simple, that daily naps are essential and rides in the car with the window down can be the event of the day.
2. music (not really a thing, but we'll go with it)
be it any form of music, music you listen to, music you make, or music you hear in your soul.
3. this one was a toss up. It falls somewhere between warm, gray socks in the winter, and a stanley thermos of margaritas in the summer.
just because both of those things are great!

what about you?

holiday weekend musings

2007-09-03T15:17:00.000-06:00

Just about the time I'm out getting some summer on me, I find that summer is once again, almost over. Labor Day weekend. Traditionally the time of no more white shoes, white bags, and skinny dipping trips..well maybe not the last one. Rules of fashion, or even seasons, don't hold as much weight as they used to. Maybe because it's too hot in Texas to worry about the not white shoes, only felt cowboy hats kind of thought. It's a rainy day in Texas today, and that's ok, I don't feel as guilty about not getting something accomplished on this holiday. I may not have gotten the yard mowed, or the leaves swept off the porch, but I have a clean house and clean clothes, and a new blog entry to show for the weekend. Sunday and Monday are my days off anyway. I would almost forget about it being a holiday, except that I can't find a place to have a manicure today, everything is closed.
I feel pretty shallow blogging about a manicure on this day of rest for the American worker, but not shallow enough to worry much about it. I take my small joys where I can, and having a nice mani is one of them.
Speaking of small joys, since moving 6 months ago (has it really been that long?) I've established a very happy life. Great place, great job, a few friends..but no love interest. I didn't really think I was looking till I looked up, and 6 months had passed and I was running low on the love and affection meter. By low I mean nada, none, no love. I obviously don't write a sex blog, so I'll leave out details, but it took one good roll in the hay to make me miss really good sex. Well, sex at all really. I've never been much for such of the casual nature. And, someone significant in your life is never a bad thing.
I'm most certainly not one of those women who are seeking out a man, single mindedly trying to reach a goal. Nah, I'm more just keeping my eyes open.
All this story to say, as part of my small joys, I think I'm adopting a new dog. My sweet Gertie is lonely too these days, and I would like to fix that for her. I"m looking at another Boston Terrier, as I do love them. Besides, I like things to match!
Now, if adopting a man were that easy....

current on all shots...check
no biting, shedding or tearing up the furniture...check
if things don't' work out with other members of the family..you would like to have it animal back?...check

if only all things were so simple. :)

Get busy living

2007-06-28T21:58:00.000-06:00

it's summer time people, no time to be sitting in front of a computer screen....get outside and get some summer on ya!

The goodness of life

2007-05-13T21:42:00.000-06:00

OK, so Billie Holiday is on the speaker, the dog is piled on the bed, the wine glass is full, and on this Monday night, I am reminded of something the baker said...wait, let's catch up first.

I did take the plunge a couple of months ago, and made some changed in my life. Changes that were overdue, and much needed. They weren't easy, but well worth it. I miss my friends in Missouri, miss the weekends at the creek, and drives in the country. However, I am so glad to be back where I belong. There's a certainty in losing that feeling that I'm in wrong place. I've had these moments lately where I am sitting somewhere, usually in the sunshine, or driving in the Jeep, and I become so overwhelmed with feelings of happiness, or contentment, or whatever it is. I don't remember feeling that way working in radio. Oh, I used to have a good time, but I don't recall feeling like great things were possible. Over the last year, when I was thinking of trying something different, I kinda knew those feelings weren't there, and that I was looking for something different. I knew that I loved and had spent time dreaming of doing was being in a kitchen. I grew up around a restaurant, my grandparents owned one, and I loved it. So when I moved back to Texas, I made plans to attend culinary school. With that in mind, I began looking for jobs in the industry. I got extremely lucky, and found a promotions position with a Five Star Restaurant in Fort Worth. I took what I knew of being a promotions director in radio, and put it in practice here. I'm working on the culinary arts stuff as well, doing what I can online with restaurant management and planning, and once I get in full swing of the job, take my practical classes.
So, my desk sits at the end of our prep kitchen. Bread baking, and cookies coming out of the oven, and meals for catering and big parties (my part in the kitchen) are going on all the time.
Now, back to the baker part. Our baker's name is Grrr (well it's pronounced that way). He spent some time in the Israeli Army, and is such a great person to talk to. His English is great, and sometimes he sings in Hebrew. He goes out the the herb garden at the back of the restaurant in the mornings and picks a few springs of rosemary and mint and leaves then on my desk so I can make them into tea. I always thank him, and he says to me "I like to know that I can help contribute to the goodness in your life"

tonight, I'm definitely contributing

Springtime

2007-04-26T08:57:00.000-06:00

It's here again, just when I think that winter will never end, and that frost at Easter made it feel like it. But the grass needs mowing all the time, the allergies are alive and well, yes, Spring has indeed sprung. With that, comes less time at the computer, and more time in the sunshine. Between work, which is great, and making some new friends, keeping up with some old ones, and making float trip plans, the glass remains half full.
Good news on the home front! My stepdad has been needing a new kidney for a couple of years now, and if you have been through that, or know someone who has, it can be agonizing! But a donor has been found, and we should know a date on the big day soon. After that, my mom and stepdad are planning on closer to me, as in coming back to Texas. That makes me happy for more than one reason. They will be closer to visit, I can keep an eye on my step dad a little more, have his expert auto advise handy when attempting things like replacing shocks on my Jeep, and for my parents, this is an opportunity for a new life. Since losing my little brother, this is the first time they are consciencely making the effort to move on.
I feel the need for a walk this morning, so I'm grabbing Gertie, and off we go!

my flower

2007-04-16T19:20:00.000-06:00

between the hail, and the snow from last week, there are few, if any, wildflowers left to cheer the drivers these days. Cheer is exactly what we could use as I watch the news this evening, and am served another reminder that life is fleeting, and so precious. It came as such a vivid reminder, that I just wanted to stick around the house tonight, cooking dinner, listening to some music, and tossing the ball for Gertie. I am overwhelmingly grateful tonight for the life that I have, that I didn't lose someone I love today, that I have hope for tomorrow.

I wish I could put that feeling into some sort of visual representation. I would put it along every highway, street, roadways, so that someone in traffic, or on their way to work could see it, and feel that same.

it's all good

2007-03-28T23:56:00.000-06:00

I needed to blog, but there wasn't anything significant to talk about. Life has taken a routine, and that is something I couldn't be happier about. Moving and starting a new job, and all that entails makes you appreciate the habits.
I was driving somewhere a few days ago. The sun was shining, and traffic was moving slow. That's actually my favorite traffic. No one can get mad at me for driving my favorite speed of 45. I drive a jeep, 70 feels like being inside a parachute.... Back to my story. Traffic was taking its time, and when I looked to the side of the road, the sight I saw brought tears to my eyes. In that moment, I realized a great truth, that I was happy. My dog is happy, my Jeep is paid off, I have a job I love to go to each day, I have met some really great people over the last couple of months. Yep, I'm happy, and content for the first time in a long time.

what was this point of inspiration?

....a patch of bluebonnets right on highway 35

ahhh

2007-03-22T17:24:00.000-06:00

I finally have internet connection!!

Do a happy dance!!!

sunburned knuckles

2007-03-08T15:51:00.000-06:00

If you drive a Jeep, you know the post title well, and look forward to the first days of warm weather when you can roll back the soft top, sunburn odd parts of your body, like above mentioned, and my favorite, your forehead. This is only masterfully accomplished by tying my golden locks back in my favorite scarf, much like our friend here, the nameless, colorless and body-less mannequin (though I have sense enough to match my lipstick to my scarf). What a dummy. AHAH! Back to sunburn..just above the sunglasses, and just below the scarf, that's about the only place I have a tan these days. Anyway, took the day off, being that it's my birthday. I try to take a good afternoon trip in the Jeep on my birthday, and this year was no exception. Gerdie and I celebrated not only my birthday, but our anniversary (we've been together one year) by packing a picnic lunch, complete with a side of dog food for her. We drove and listened to my absolute favorite cd, courtesy of the ipod these days, and I wondered how many times those songs have played through my Jeep speakers with the top down, and forehead a-burnin'...
How much do I love that Easter is around the corner too? Enough to buy a bag of this Cadbury robin eggs, the ones with the crunchy shell that are solid chocolate...yeah, that bad won't last long. Happy birthday to me!! Now for a quick nap, gonna grill out in a bit, and maybe have a drink with some friends later tonight.
it has been a wonderful day so far.

what tha...

2007-03-05T21:55:00.000-06:00

I looked up, and a week had passed since I blogged?! Where did the time go?
Y'all were right, enjoy the down time, cause I'm knee deep in things to do right now. Since there's so many things going on, I'll try to cover them all.

I've touched on the subject of career change, but only slightly. The reason being, the people that do know look at me like I've lost a small section of my brainwhen I tell them what direction I'm going . But since I can't see what kind of look you're giving me, I feel like expanding on the subject.

If you knew me past the world of blogging, you would know that radio broadcasting is in my blood. I love it. I love the people. I love the hurried pace, the last second stress, thinking through every word that come across a mic, being able to turn a conversation in a second, those moments when your O.C.D. like organization makes a break, that doesn't last more than a couple if minutes, work perfectly.
Then there are the parts like never getting paid as much as my male partners, though I've got the college, experience and talent to run circles around them, and being awake at 3 am is not good, not even if you're still up. If you work in country music, you should know something about it, I think you should appeal to your audience. Most djs don't have that. Working 14 or 17 days straight is not glamorous at all. When people laugh at you being tired because "all you do is talk a few hours a day", and you know every word to every commercial and jingle that has played on the air for at least the last 6 years, it begins to wear on a person.
Radio is torture to it's djs. It such an oxymoron to take a dynamic, outgoing, energetic person, and put them in a room by themselves. Most djs that have been in radio for while, and not those that made it big time so that the fat paycheck evens out the odds, but the little guys, most of them are heavy drinkers, smokers, or close up most of the their personalities. It can be torture.

So when I woke up, and saw that radio, like most things that seem to idealistic as a college student, wasn't idealistic at all, I wanted a change. I left radio once, for a couple of years, and found that sitting behind a desk was just as torturous. All that energy with no where to go. So, back to radio I went. All the endorsement deals with new cars to drive, free beer at local establishments and people asking for autographs can seem very appealing for a while.

and since this post is so much longer than I meant it to be, the next installment will be the soul searching answers that are changing my life......
"more after the break, don't go anywhere"

sooooo....

2007-02-25T23:55:00.000-06:00

I could have cried over tv again because I was so damn bored with the Oscars. I cooked while it was blabbing on the television, so at least I had a good meal when it was done.
In my boredom, I completed the following list...yay

This is not the lesst bit original, it came across myspace, and since I LOOOOVVVVEEE lists (all the important information, not worries with stuff like puncuation and properly placed capital letters) I figured I'd re post it here. So if you've been checking the "my other page link" on the right, sorry for the re run.

10 Random Things About ME
1. I like my dog better than I like most people I know
2. I can't whistle
3. I would still drive my jeep if I were stinkin' rich
4. I'm six feet tall without my high heels on
5. Fourth of July is my favorite holiday, followed closely by St. Pat's Day
6. I eat cake icing right out of the can
7. I'm a news junkie
8. I was an Opera major in college
9. I'm thinking of changing careers
10. I'm nervous about #9

9 Things I've Have Done In The Past 24 Hours
1. Ran 2 miles
2. listened to my IPOD
3. spent too much time on the internet
4. listened to the train go by
5. washed sheets
6. kissed my dog (on the top of her head)
7. cooked red beans and rice
8. took a nap
9. drank beer by candle light (there was no power in the bar)

8 Favorite Singers/Bands/Artists (no particular order)
1. Asleep at the Wheel
2. Eva Cassidy
3. Jack Ingram
4. Corrine Bailey Rae
5. Lily Allen
6. Willie and Lobo
7. Rat Pack
8. Nina Simone

7 Things On the "To DO" list
1. Wash dishes
2. Nap
3. check email , again
4. buy dog food
5. take out the trash
6. re do my workout play list on ipod
7. be patient while waiting to hear on the job (or find a sugar daddy)

6 Things to do when bored
1. To Do LIST!
2. Nap
3. play ball with the dog
4. go for a walk
5. cook
6. AIM/Chat

5 Favorite Movies
1. Happy Texas
2. Bridges of Madison County
3. Three Amigos
4. Open Range
5. ( I"M sure there another one, I just can't think..)

4 Favorite Books
1. Border Music, BY Robert James Waller
2. Bad Girls' Guide to the Open Road, By Cameron Tuttle
3. Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love
4. Readings and Recitations for Winter Evenings (copyright 1895)

3 Favorite Foods
1. Peanut Butter
2. Pasta
3. Ica Cream

2 Things I am wearing
1. Yoga pants
2. t shirt

1 Favorite Person
1. right now? The Person I am becoming

get a tissue

2007-02-22T21:15:00.000-06:00

what is it about the word tissue that I love?
Anyway, another tear soaked evening with Grey's Anatomy. It's very dramatic these days, but I'm still lovin' every minute of it. Can't wait till the third season comes out on DVD, then I'll watch every episode with a box of TISSUE, and love it all over again.
Oh, and good news. My feelings of complete worthlessness are almost over. Something about not being able to find a job I felt good about was really putting me in a funk! Then add some family members that are mad at me for moving away from them, some family members that are mad that I left those family members, and a birthday on the way (YIKES) that I will likely spend alone just around the corner, and yeah, FEELING LIKE A PILE OF COW POOP!
buuuuuttt.....I know Gertie will spend my birthday with me, my family can be mad if that's what they want, and I might have THE job. I interviewed today. I did it all right, from the handshake to the perfectly timed joke, I'm feeling some serious excitement in my toes over this one. And like I said, it doesn't hurt the ego to feel useful again.
Keep you posted on the job, don't want to jinx it!
On the issue of my birthday, I'm ok with that one too. Just the fact that my birthdays aren't about dancing on tables and everyone passing out in a hotel room bring me to tears with thankfulness that I'm getting older. I find myself wanting a little less whiskey and a little more vodka and cranberry these days.

I should not post about getting older when I've pathetically cried over prime time television. I'm going to remain pathetic for a little while longer...bubble bath or something...
toodles

nada

2007-02-19T19:25:00.000-06:00

noth·ing (nthng) PRONOUN:
No thing; not anything:
No part; no portion:
One of no consequence, significance, or interest:
NOUN:
Something that has no existence.
Something that has no quantitative value; zero: a score of two to nothing.
Also known as: WHAT I'm DOING THESE DAYS

no seriously, I'm not doing crap. ok, well, maybe crap, but not much more. Getting lost on the freeway a couple of times, and taking a little job that at least keep the cash flow coming, but that's it. Nothing significant. Took the dog for a park day, washed my sheets, had a bite to eat. I haven't watched CNN or Headline News in 3 days. I have no idea what's going on in the world, or when they're going to announce that I'm the father of Anna Nichole's baby.

I'd like to blog about something witty and funny and interesting to someone....but we've got a NO GO.
sorry

The Season of LOVE ( and pink socks)

2007-02-13T16:50:00.000-06:00

THIS POST IS COPIED FROM EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO....but it still holds true

Well, I guess happy V-day all. ...Even if you did break down and buy the socks that sing" you are my sunshine", which I am proud to say I did not. If someone hasn't sent you flowers by noon [tomorrow], rush right out, and purchase your favorites for your desk, or for your dinner table. No need to deny yourself because someone in your life wasn't thoughtful of the significance of blooms. GOod news that on the day after Valentines, all the great candy will be on sale, and that's just the little present that makes me thankful for the retail holiday we find ourselves in.Enjoy the day of love, or be thankful it's over soon, and that it's the one day you can wear pink and red together, and not be quiet so fashionally incorrect!!

Welcome Home

2007-02-11T13:42:00.000-06:00

It's taken about a week to get somewhat organizged and feel like I'm not living in a complete whirlwind. But here I am, home after all the time of being away, seeing family, old friends, remembering some of the shortcuts of getting downtown on a Friday night, and finding all the familiar things that I love were always right here.
The one things I hate about moving to a different place, is losing the history with people. In a new place, there is no one to laugh at the re-telling of stories, the dumb inside jokes, and that time you sang "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" at kereoke. The thing about coming home, is that those memories and jokes live on, and the people that you love and know are always willing to laugh with you.
Why would I wait so long to come home, you ask? It's just never really worked out with the timing, the job and the family all at the same time. The same is true now, the timing is there, family is supportive of the move and change, but the job is still up in the air. I just decided that if I was ever going to get home, get back to what I love, that I would take the chance, and see how things worked out. Risky, but worth it to me. So right now I'm pretty uncertain of alot of things, but also optimistic about things as well. I've got my dog, my jeep, and the certainty that I've made the right move, finally.

what a great way to start

2007-02-06T20:34:00.000-06:00

WTF? I've have been in Texas just over 48 hours, and I have this thing in my head. Like a cold kind of thing. Maybe it's allergies, or sinus infection, or something that is pissing my off. I like to think that after leaving the frozen tundra of Missouri on Sunday, and traveling to the sunny, warm lands of Texas, my poor nose had a shock attack. What does this mean for me? Stuffy nose, SCREAMING headache, wads of tissue on the night stand, too much internet surfing, and complete restlessness. I just got here, there's so much for me to do!! And no one to bring me soup!!! Advantages to the situation? A warm puppy that LOVES all the nap time(obviously she's not sneezing every 2 seconds), excuse not to be unpacking, and music by Lily Allen. I'm dragging my ass to the hot shower in hopes that I can find relief, and get rest.

all I really want is Taco flavored Doritos, dipped in cream cheese and jar of pickled jalepenos. No, not the cravings of pregnant woman, but one of the things I've cut out of my diet in hopes that I won't scare small children while in a bathing suit this summer. Does dieting count when you're sick?

Home

2007-02-05T15:41:00.000-06:00

Just got moved, more when I'm not so unorganized!!!

so cliche

2007-01-30T18:07:00.000-06:00

T minus 4 days till the move.

I'm sitting in the local starbucks (thus the title of this post) loving the smell of caffine in the air ( I swear it soaks into my pores just sitting here) and pink coffee cups everywhere. Actually, I'm meeting some friends soon for a last cup of coffee and some laughs before my new location. On the side of my signature Starbucks cup is a quote by Dr Laura. Before I nearly vomited at the mere mention of her name, I read what it said.
" Many people search blindly for the 'meaning of life'. What they don't understand is that life does not have meaning through mere existence or aquisition or fun. The meaning of life is inherent in the connection we make with others through honor and obligation."

GAG ME. They pay you to talk on 250 radio stations? Let's pretend that you're actually talking to someone, or better yet that they might be listening. Nevermind, it made me think about my own meaning in life. I can agree with the part about connecting to others and stuff. If I was going to be quoted on a starbucks coffee cup, what would it say?

"The Way I See It #315
The meaning of life is not just one thing that I aspire to find. I strive to learn that the journey is sometimes as great as the destination, that people we meet along the way make the trip worth while, and if we're lucky enough to know love, even if it doesn't last, we have reached great things."

Chesa Rhoades,

world renown radio dj and motivational speaker

and as an added bonus, Dear Dr Laura, it can be about the fun sometimes too!!

hot chocolate and electric blankets

2007-01-28T01:09:00.000-06:00

I'm trying hard to remember what summer is like today. I realize that it's winter, but we don't see much snow here in Missouri. Not so the case these days. It's been a cold and icy, and cold some more, and lots of people without power and it's really cold. Gertie is having a blast with her first frozen go-round. I get a big kick watching her back feet slide one way and her front feet slide the other way. What kind of mean human am I that I laugh at my dog having a hard time just to take a pee? One that has been locked in the house for a while. You can not walk out of my house without falling on your butt! Ah, this is where the hot cocoa and blankets come in handy. But being laszy only lasts for a while. Crappy weather has served as a good time to get packed for a move, so there's a silver lining under the ice and snow :)

Glad to be going home to Texas soon. I know it's a little cold there too, but the 100 degree summers will make up for it!

scouts honor

2007-01-19T23:25:00.000-06:00

Did anyone else resolve to blog more? Let's hope I stick with that one more than going to the gym, traveling more, and only buying shoes that are comfortable.....we'll see

because no one is exempt

2006-10-09T10:17:00.000-06:00

when you think that radio is all about having fun, or only talking for a few hours a day, think of a day like today. KIX 102.5 was the first media to report a school shooting, because my partner's wife was dropping off his kids at the time. Newstalk 131o was also reporting live the entire time, as again we had a parent there. I could brag about beating the tv station, something we always do, but it's not about that. It's about reporting news, but offering no opinion. It's about being a person too, reacting, but not reacting, and keeping listeners informed of just the facts. Maybe you see radio as entertainment, hell I do, but I realize my responsibilty as a broadcaster, and the accountability I am held to. Now that it's over, I can cry, and worry and ask the questions that come from fear, anger and worry. Hug your kids today, hug any kid today, and remember that someone is filtering the information to keep you informed. Someone is hearing crying kids, yelling parents, and making sure you know only what's fact.

2006-08-28T10:11:00.000-06:00

has it really been a year? We were sitting in a bar, drinking rum punch, and making fun of The Weather Channel reporters and their khaki pants. We stocked up on bottled water, canned food, liquor and playing cards, because we knew we would be without power for a while. We read, we played guitar, and waited it out. The sound of blowing wind, and rain for days could make a person alittle crazy. We didn't hear or see about the devistation in New Orleans till days later, because we were without power. We saw the ships on the highway, but not on tv, on our highways. We had jet skis in trees, people without homes, jobs, and looking for family, the only difference? The news trucks couldn't get to us. We were living in a city below sea level that became an engineering disaster? No, but we suffered too. I know it wasn't handled properly, and lives were lost that didn't have to be. Celebrate your progess, aspire to continue to make the changes that should have been made, and to rebuild your lives.

birthday fun

2006-08-21T09:44:00.000-06:00

no, not my birthday, but someone else. 2 birthdays this weekend, and both included extremem drunkeness. What qualifies a person to act like an ass on their birthday? Is there some unwritten code for your birthday? Get drunk, dance on the bar, then end the evening by crying at the bar, trying for birthday sex, but pass out first...is that it? Then I wonder, did I act like that on my birthday? No, thankfully. I went to dinner, had a cocktail and went home. Whew...Maybe I'm getting too old for all that crap, or just too smart.....probably too old. If it's your birthday, don't act a fool!

2006-08-09T09:19:00.000-06:00

summer

2006-07-28T09:48:00.000-06:00

Well, after all this time, I finally feel like I've gotten caught up on all sleep, laundry and paperwork!
Then, I looked up all the sudden, and I realized that summer is almost over. What happened to it? I guess I got busy with work.
So, today, it's a top 10 list of things still to do this summer.

1. go to the drive in movies
2. camp again
3. raft more
4. skinny dip more
5. eat ice cream till I can't move
6. drink more beer on the patio
7. make out down by the creek
8. sun bathe and nap with a cool drink
9.lay out by a pool with friends and laugh
10. watch the stars

I'm off to catch the good moments I might have missed

crap

2006-07-09T12:04:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry for being MIA these days. It's summer, and that means busy radio promotions. Right now, we've stuck 8 suckers in a Dodge Ram. Well, 22 says ago there was 8. Now there's 4. We're here till the last one is left. That person wins the truck. See pictures at www.kix1025.com. Like I was saying before one of the rules of the game is that anything that goes in the truck, stays in the truck. All food containers, all trash, everything. We've named the sweaty-bodies-moldy-food-kinda-smells-like-an-old-person-and-bad-cheese smell Carols, cause he's just always around. Imagine the flies, heat and gripy people, and you can image why I've just been hiding in my air conditioned room, with all the blinds closed.
No, not really. I did score a couple of days off recently, though I'm not sure quiet how that worked out. In my time off, I squeezed in a camping trip and some rafting time. I love camping around here in Missouri. Growing up in Texas, it was too damn hot in the summer to do much, but here in the Ozark Mountains, it's not bad. It's beautiful scenery, the rivers and creeks are always cold, since they're spring fed, and waking up in the mountains with the fog and the greenery, yeah, it's good stuff. Anyway, if you can look past the hillbilly aspect, there's some great places to throw a tent up and rent a raft. Being a rafting virgin, I wasn't sure what to expect, but figured that the heck. Gerdie was obviously there with me, and as you can see, she had a blast! So did I for that matter!! In fact, I'm looking to take up a new hobby. I've been shopping around for some rafts I like, looking for some good spots to throw the raft in the water, and maybe some camping spots that I could trust if I were camping by myself. That's the thing, camping is what I do to get away from the craziness of work. Even if I only have one day off, I don't mind packing the jeep, and taking off. I take some serious flack for going by myself. My mom, who isn't a fan of mine in general, and my grandmother both just have a fit when I go way for a day. Not because I'm going away, but because I'm going by myself. Now that I want to take a raft out too, oh hell. I get the whole speech about how dangerous it can be to be a woman out alone. I'm how old? 12. I know this. I'm aware we don't live in a perfect world, but damn. Of course, my grandmother's solution was to find a man who likes to camp too, but I don't think the punishment fits the crime. I have to have a boyfriend to go camping? Can't I just get a bigger dog? But then I consider some late nite tent nooky, and I'm considering.

the joy of summer

2006-07-06T10:32:00.000-06:00

a whole month later, it's half way through summer, and I'm back on location. This time it's lasted most of June, and we're into July with it. Basically the run down is putting 8 people in a Dodge truck, the last one to be left in the truck wins it. We're down to 4 contestants, 18 days in, and no end in sight. So every day, we drive to the car dealership, torture the 4 people left, and pray they go home soon. Between the smell, the flies and the trash (whatever goes in the truck, stays in the truck) it's about all I can take. It's a short entry because I'm a bit frazzled, and feel like I stink like the truck. I'm going to take another shower....please let them leave soon.

Home Sweet Airconditioned Home

2006-06-08T20:38:00.001-06:00

ahh, turn that thermastat down to about 65, it's good to be back in my bed, with my shower, and my AC! I never considered myself a priss, but I might be changing my mind. I lounged in my bathtub last night, mostly because I KNEW it was clean, I don't care for motel baths. Who has been in it? I washed every article of clothing I had taken with me, just because it smelled like the crappy motel we stayed in. Did I mention that the hotel wasn't that great? I have to appreciate it some, it was a dry, cooler place to sleep. Most of the festival goers were camping in the dust and the ticks, so we had it pretty good. This is me seeing the glass half full, even if it's murkey water that's in the glass.
Today, I've propped my feet on the desk, knowing I have 1000 things to get caught up on from being gone for 5 days. At least it's happy feet that do the proppin'

BIG TIME

2006-06-08T20:38:00.000-06:00

One of those working weekends when I'm all over the place, interviewing artists, introducing artists, talking to listeners of the radio station, and getting the whole weekend festival be expierence. I enjoy what I do, it's the heat, bugs and fried foods I'm not crazy about. When all is said and done, I'll be glad to be back to my bed, air conditioner, and routine.
God, I sound old
till then, bring on the coolers, cowboys, and seeing my face on the JUMBO TRon Screen.
ok, it's flattering sometimes

Story time

2006-06-02T10:29:00.000-06:00

The thing about moving to a new place, is that you lose history. You lose people that share memories with you. You lose places that comfort you, favorite places to eat, things like that. I have relocated recently. I have also lost touch with my best friend, and just broke up with a long time boyfriend. Man, when it rains....
I've come to the point that the bittersweet feelings are setting in. I'm not overwhelmed by the loneliness, or even really just the missing part, but the part where I'm thankful for the times it was good. I'm re reading my favorite book, something I do about twice a year. First on the list is Border Music. It's an incredible book. It's about taking advantage of rare opportunities, and sometimes having nothing but the memories left. I HIGHLY recommend at least buying a used copy. Other books by Robert James Waller are much the same, not always a happy ending, but certainly well worth the trip.
Another busy weekend is on the way, working many hours and getting to have dinner with, and introduce my favorite artist, Pat Green. It's kinda sad, because the people in my life that I have loved the most would have been at this show, partying and singing along.

working weekend

2006-05-19T18:30:00.000-06:00

Total hours of sleep this week....approx 7 hours. Corporate martinis charged to the card...about 15. The amount of networking and sucking up I've accomplished...endless.

Now, here I am on a Friday night. Usually, I would have a remote about now at the local country bar, we are in country radio after all. It's the higlight of my week, to flirt, dance, drink and talk on the radio now and then. Oh, and get paid. But not this week. My bar remotes were on Tue, Wed, and Thur night this week. For the weekend, my radio partner and I have been sent to a town about 2 hours away to direct broadcast from a theme park. Sounds kinda boring, and it can be, but, the great part is the pay off. They pay our gas down, they pay us to be here, and you can see the view from the back deck included. Throw in the jet tub, the wireless internet, and my pjs at 7:00 on a Friday night, and I'm about as happy as I can be. If I could find a nice run punch, I might never leave!!! I did bring my granparents along, because it's a 2 bedroom cabin, and it would be depressing all by myself. Besides, I like the share the wealth. Gerdie is here, and feeling about the same way I am, just napping and enjoying the down time.
I've got lots to do tonight. I've finally joined the cool kids. I'm working on myspace.com. I'm working blindly, but working none the less. There's alot of info to fill in, try and sound interesting about. My brain is so relaxed and sleepy, it's hard to think. I'll let you know when it's cool enough to look at. Right now there are Sex in the City reruns to enjoy.
toodles

helping mom work

2006-05-08T12:12:00.000-06:00

trying to get work done, and I've worn her out! heehee

A little history, with a good memory

2006-05-08T09:11:00.000-06:00

Here's the thing about moving back to a place you've 'been before...People remember you, even if you don't remember them. I spent a couple if years in the town I'm currently in about the junior year of my highs school days. I had just moved from Texas, and since no place is as good as Texas, I wasn't really that crazy about it. I was a home school kid, and tested for my GED when I was 16. Sweet. When I moved to Missouri, I was gearing up for college, and found out that socially, I had to be compatible to my age group, couldn't attend college till I was 18. (insert sound effect of screeching tires) So my social project was to attend a public high school. Most home school kids would have shuddered at the thought, but I was pumped. I'm trying to keep the story from being too long, and trying not to be the girl that shares too much, so lets just say high school for me was one big party. Imagine being in high school, but never actually having to attend a class, or do homework. I realized the beauty of this at an early point in the game. You want social, I'll give you social!!!!
So fast forward about 10 years. I'm back in town. My grandparents live here, so I'm back every few years, till I get bored, and then leave again. 4 years ago, I was on one of those trips, and I was here. I was, in fact, working for the same company I am now. My brother was killed here, and I left, swearing that I would never be back, that the memories were too much, and I didn't want to see them everyday. Today, I'm here again. My grandparents won't be around forever, and they need some help with things. The town has changed enough, I can almost like it. The best part, the place that my brother was killed has been torn down, and replaced with great business for this town. I feel like its his was of making it a little better to be here. I work for the company I did before, so it's like family, only a little better this time around. OK, so finally to the damn point. I'm working this weekend, at a radio event. People walk up to me, and just start talking. I know I should know them, but it's just not there. Oh my gosh, I haven't seen you since high school ...blah blah blah. The whole time my brain is going searching files, but can not find the server. I'm gracious, "hey, how ya been, still living in the same place?" crap like that. It sounds good coming out of my mouth, but I wonder if they know I have no idea. Luckily, we're in a bar environment, so I don't think that they do. After about half a dozen people, I'm feeling a lot like a victim of a Sci FI weekend. If I did have a missing file, I just blamed on drinking too much in my time in Key West. After thinking about it too much over the next day or so, I finally figured it out. In the time I was gone from here, I buried more immediate family. I think that in those times, it's amazing how your brain can work to protect itself. I honestly think some of those memories from years with my brother, and even after that when I was dealing with another close death, I think my brain knew to hide some of those memories, that they were hurtful, and that I didn't need them at the time. It's not like a drunken night you recall a few days later when someone brings it up. It's like I'm certain I should know something about this person, like there's a history, but try as I might, I can't find it in there. I never realized this had happened until I've had to face some of the ghost that live in this town. Somehow, their memories are better than mine.
Disclaimer : I'm not crazy, though it sounds a lot like it.

Finally....

2006-05-01T09:20:00.000-06:00

a free moment of time. sigh. Actually, it's been alot of feeling cruddy time this week, but more on that later. It's raining here for the first time in months, and it's really nice to just be hanging out, enjoying the sound of the rain these last couple of days. All the trees are looking so great, and all the work in the yard and the garden is beginning to show some signs of improvement. Gerdie is just not crazy about the rain, however. I have to stand out in the drizzle in hopes that her bodily functions can occur. Enough about that, though.
It's been a while since I've talked about my crazy diet. Somewhere along the lines, it became not so crazy. Low carb eating was such an adjustment for me, it did take a while. But, since it was a personal sponsor through the job, I felt obligated to at least try it. I'm so thankful I did, even if I dream of tortillas. I'm 35 lbs lighter today than I was 90 days ago. That's a lot. I'm pretty happy about it. On the program, as part of my I-get-it-free-because-of-my-job, after the weight loss, then there's this little procedure called mesotherapy. I was sold on it when she said "it's chemical lipo, honey, you'll love it". Images of very small bikinis were dancing in my head, and I was distracted from the "chemical" part. Even when I was being slathered in numbing cream, and being iced down from the waist down, I still kept thinking "this is great". Only an hour later, when I'm red, swolen, and have been injected about 100 in each leg did it begin to sink in that, "this is maybe not so great" That was on Tuesday. For 2 days I laid around iced down, begging the puppy not to jump on the bed with me. As I'm leaning in the shower on Tuesday night, trying not pass out from all the drugs and the sight of my legs becoming bruised and welped, I was crying, swearing that I would just be unsightly in shorts or a bathing suit. Here it is, Monday morning, the pai is gone, the naususness is gone, and the bruises are fading quickly. My next appointment is tomorrow. I'm still trying to decide whether I'm going for another round. Did I mention that my legs are smooth, and looking very toned, even with the hint of brusing?
Being a girl is ridiculous, by the way.
I realize that it's vain, and even crazy to think this is a good idea. I'm not that girl. I'm the all natural, kinda hippie, lets do an herbal cleans twice a year, kinda girl. I just realized what a monster my vanity can be, and I'm surprised at myself....
but myself in a thinner body has a nice ring.

what not to do on a weekend

2006-04-24T09:12:00.000-06:00

For some odd reason, I watched a Hallmark movie last night. Mostly because I was applying flashy red toenail polish, partly because I was in a cheesy mood. It was un-nerving, though. The basics of the movie was a hippie style aunt, taking care of a slightly mentally disturbed nephew who was messed up by her crazy brother and his white trash wife. The aunt wore too many ponchos and lived in an adobe house with her 2 dogs. In an attempt to find the meaning in life, she saves the boy, gets him the help he needs, and learns to deal with her slightly obsessive and overly nosey family.
The similarities were too much for me. It is my life, only with commercials that make you cry. Is it not the SuperBowl all over again. Just to watch the commercials, I'd get something to drink during the movie. OK back to subject. It's my fear that my brother's kids will remember their free spirit aunt from their early childhood, and when things go straight to the crazy house, they will show up at my door. Then, like the movie, I'll struggle with moody teenagers before earning their trust, and loving them as my own. Then I wake up, and realize that I only have one dog, and I'm not that aunt yet. I do have 2 brothers, though, so maybe my chances are better.
I think I worked in the yard too long this weekend. Maybe too much sunshine, not enough water, or something. Maybe it's just Monday, and I deserve a mental health day.
Hope things are sane for you today

free weekend

2006-04-17T09:02:00.000-06:00

Road Trip Weekend

With a little free time (gasp?) this weekend, I decided a trip away was in order. So, me and kid (see left) loaded up the Magnum that I'm driving this month for work, and off we were. After lots of naps, shopping and excellent food, it's making it hard to concentrate on my Monday. I want to sleep late again, and have rum at lunch. Oh well. Better quality on the photos now, at least, and the boss paging me on the intercom...gotta run

Life with Gerdie

2006-04-09T20:57:00.000-06:00

This is the face I wake up to in the mornings...how can I go wrong? With those big brown eyes, and that FACE!!! cuteness has no limits. She is growing like a weed in spring, but she's still my baby.
My camera technology is changing this week, so maybe no more crappy photos

Thoughts of a tired mind

2006-04-04T13:08:00.000-06:00

The time change is a bitch. I thought getting up at 3:45 was bad enough, but now that my body thinks it's 2:45, it's much worse...........
on a happy note...
Spring has arrived, and with, 1000 things to get done. Minus all the things that work has us doing these days, from trail rides to bar remotes every weekend, there's the garden aspect, the puppy to play with, the tan to get, the hammock time, road trips, beer to be consumed...whew, like I said, alot to do. Gerdie is just such a doll, by the way. She's growing every day, and starting her puppy classes soon. Where did the time go? Before I start sounding like a mom, let me just say how cute she was when I was working in the garden all weekend, chasing the squirrels, digging with me, just too much.
I got out some old cds that I LOVE the other day. It's been a while since I've listened to them, and I missed them. Texans, or those who have been enlightened, will know the originality of Texas Music. There's nothing like it. It is, by far, the life blood of the great state that I love. It is my way of connecting with my home, no matter where I happen to be. I broke out some of my old Pat Green cd's, Lyle Lovett, and some Asleep at the Wheel. I got my jeep out of the shed, took the top off, and started the tunes. I was breathless for a moment when all the memories of those songs came rushing back. I cried a little on "Threadbare Gypsy Soul" by Pat Green from many years ago. I remember a time when my 2 best friends and I were drinking beer, singing along with that song, headed to the creek, and I was sad for a moment that this summer would be so different. My friends have moved on with their lives, or at least managed to navigate in different directions. For a moment, I missed them, and wondered how they were. I opened a long neck bottle of Miller Light, and toasted them, wherever they are. I realized that those old cd's were much like my memories of them, worn, missing a few lines because of the skip in the song, but loved just the same. And maybe like those songs, my memories will always be precious, though not as good as when we were there.
In my attempt to grow in my own dirt, to make my life the place I want to be, I have firmly grasped ( hee, hee, she said grasped) the ideal that I am happy without a distinct plan. I don't have a 5 year lay out, and I'm ok with that. I want to cover all the things on above list, to get that garden finished, to see my puppy grow, and make sure I don't miss the good things along the way. Finding that balance isn't easy, but I do think it's possible.

I didn't realize I was in such a pensive mood when I sat down, but apparently it was there, and needed some air. I wouldn't stand too close. You might get some on you!!

blah

2006-03-18T12:42:00.000-06:00

well, I know it's been over a week since I've posted, but there hasn't really been anything that exciting to talk about. Life is good with the puppy, Gerdie, and work is always busy. Minus that, I'm realizing that I'm sleeping alot of the other time. SAD. I did have to go out for one of my favorite holidays, St Pat's. I love wearing all green, getting out the tacky t-shirts about green beer, adn my favorite "Even if I were Irish, I wouldn't let you kiss me" oh that's a classy shirt. I haven't been out in a while, but has a really good time. Ended up at a resturant called Little Chicago. It was a classy crowd, not some shot-guzzling-keroke-singing joint I'm used to. (OH, and I didn't wear the t-shirt listed above, thankfully) I'm actually at work on this Saturday, and while I want to pay attention to what's on mydesk today, it's not working very well. Not having gone out in while, I'm moving slower than usual today.
Hope there's something exciting to blog about this next week!!

Birthday thoughts

2006-03-07T17:37:00.000-06:00

Finally, a real post. So much to talk about. Let's start with the new puppy, and how pictures are just not as cute as the real thing. She is my girl, no doubt. She has a place on my pillow every night, and sleeps there till I get up about 3:45 to go to work in the morning, then she's asleep soon after our first trip outside. I came in this morning, as I do each morning, taking a quick break form work to let her out, and found that she had figured out how to open the kennel she has been staying in. I found her asleep on my shirt that was laying in the floor. I was frantically serching the floor for little puppy accidents, chewed wires, shoes or other important items, but found none. She just wanted to lay in front of the radio I leave on for her so she can hear my voice every day. Oh amazingly cute is that? I think my heart will explode. I tell everyone that I bought my puppy for my birthday present, which is tomorrow, March 8th( but more on that in a bit). Though she is a delightful b-day gift, she's more company that I could have imagined. I don't seem to mind that being in bed at 8 pm leaves me no social life, that I spend most of my time wathcing over my grandmother, and not much time with people my own age, and I don't even seem to mind that my CowBoy Man is never around, and just about the time I'm going to bed, he's getting done with work. No, indeed, I have a little brown eyed blessing that needs me, that doesn't let me think about how lonely it has been these last few months.
Which brings me to tomorrow. It's my birthday. Can I admit that I have never felt more alone on my personal annual holiday? By the next paragraph of this post I'll be back to my old self, finding the good in all that my life is now, and being thankful I have not done anything stupid to get my self killed up to this point. But for this paragraph, I am sad that there will be no flowers on my desk tomorrow. I never though I would be without at least a few friends to celebrate with. Even birthday cake is off limits, the whole low carb thing!
Enough of that. I'll buy my own flowers. And who says I can't start cocktail hour at the local dive, throw out a few beers to those around me, and make new friends? I'm afraid it doesn't do for me to feel sorry for myself. We have a great radio show planned for tomorrow, I'm off work by noon ( aka the official start of the famed cocktail hour) and I have that little sleeping puppy that needs me. Besides, I look horrid after a good cry, so there's need for that either. No, indeed, it's my birthday, and that gives me all the reasons in the world to shop for myself, drink girlie drinks, sing kereoke to complete strangers, and not care at all. I think a birthday cupcake would be ok too.

I should treat everyday like my birthday.

ps, pictures of the new baby soon!

yawn

2006-02-26T10:56:00.000-06:00

I'm taking the weekend hours to sleep, get laundry done, and do a little shopping for the little one that will be joining the family this week. (see right) How cute is she? Yes, I'm breaking down and getting a puppy. She actually wasn't easy to find. I've been looking for this breed for a couple of months, and finally found her. It'll be about a 2 hour drive, but I don't mind. I mean, look at that face....
There's much to be considered for a new baby: the right doggie kennel, some matching food and water bowls, and I'm discovering the world of high fashion doggie accesories. There are a multitude of shirts, jackets and foot wear for dogs now. I wasn't aware I had missed so much in the fashion world. I think a good quality pink collar should do us for now. There's much to be done at work this week, but I'm looking forwrd most to the arrival of my girl. I'm thinking of names this week. So far, even as southern as it sounds, I'm considering "Gertrude", but we'll call her "Gerdie" for short. Would I be too much like one of those beauty pagent moms if I bought these?
We made it through the first week of the new morning show, mostly unscathed. I'm almost caught up on my sleep, though I doubt if I ever get used to being up at 4:00 am. With a new puppy arriving, I doubt I'll sleep much anyway.
If I haven't stopped by and visited on your blog this week, I promise to be better next week.
Hope all is well

Morning madness

2006-02-20T19:32:00.000-06:00

oh period my period god period.
Can you tell it was the first morning of the new morning show?!? ok, it wasn't that bad, but, it was much like driving in a car at 70 miles an hour, without a sterring wheel!!! New partners mean trying to learn signals from each other, try to figure out when not to talk over each other, when to close joke, when to not close it (for effect), when to let the other person take the lead, when to fight for that lead, when to steer the direction of the conversation, when to laugh and call it done. Then add some computers not working, a mic that sounds like I'm talking from inside a can, and a really slow coffee pot, and it was a real adventure! Everyone said it sounded ok, and I guess that's what counts, but I hate unorganized radio. I hate hearing mouse clicks, and button pushing, and paper rusting. I know they are little things, but things that I pride myself on not putting on the air. We'll get it ironed out, I'm sure. I really am excited about how great this is going to be. But like most great things, it takes work, dedication, and most of all, a really good sense of humor. With those things, we should be ok.
"For more adventure of tweedle dee and tweedle dum, tune in tomorrow...."

oh yeah, you can listen live if you're brave enough

weekend wastefulness

2006-02-18T22:40:00.000-06:00

a cold and snowy weekend makes for good times to get caught up on laundry, take long naps, and get in some good reading time. That's been my weekend so far. It's the first snow of the season, and it's a whole inch deep. To hear me talk, though, you'd swear it's 5 feet. Maybe I just wish it were 5 feet. Either way, it's been deep conditioner for the soul this weekend, sitting my the fire, eating low carb ice cream. No, I haven't done much of anything, and I'm ok with that.
Hope your weekend is going just as great

damn that puppy fever

2006-02-16T10:26:00.000-06:00

first Joe, then T-Bone, getting new dogs...it's killing me. I've been wanting a dog, and I think I'm finally at the point to make it happen. I just want to make sure I'm not too busy to give the love and attention that the new baby needs. I think I'm trying a new breed this time around. Enough with the cattle dogs. I think I just want a pet, not a farm dog, especially since I'm not on the farm anymore.

----Here's the one I'm in love with right now

2006-02-14T12:19:00.000-06:00

nice tat

Hearts and Flowers and stuff

2006-02-14T09:34:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!! ...Even if you did break down and buy the socks that sing" you are my sunshine", which I am proud to say I did not. If someone hasn't sent you flowers by noon, rush right out, and purchase your favorites for your desk, or for your dinner table. No need to deny yourself because someone in your life wasn't thoughtful of the significance of blooms. Hey, I'll likely have to buy my own, so don't feel bad. My Cowboy Man did good this year, but he rarely thinks to the flower aspect. No problem. Tomorrow all the great candy will be on sale, and that's just the little present that makes me thankful for the retail holiday we find ourselves in. Actually, on the diet, there's no chocolate allowed, but I can look and drool in the store. Besides, the 16 lbs I've lost serve as the inspiration!!

Enjoy the day of love, and either be thankful it's over soon, and that it's the one day you can wear pink and red together, and not be quiet so fashionally incorrect!!

AM

2006-02-10T08:42:00.000-06:00

ALERT, ALERT

I'm trying to come up with a name for the morning team....any thoughts? It's a country station, so think like a redneck for just a second

NOT "The Breakfast Club"(another station has that one..but something like that)

where am I?

2006-02-09T10:09:00.000-06:00

Is it Thursday already? Where did my week go? The bags under my eyes would be the sign that I've been at work alot this week. I missed yoga last night, damn it. Sigh. My saving grace this morning.....Coffeemate's Creme Brulee coffee creamer. It is heaven.
On the complete opposite, the disappointment of the Grammy's last night. SPARE ME. I think Joe should add this to his list of things that just "put a burr in my saddle", though he wouldn't exactly put it that way. I don't have time to gripe about fat singers, loud mouth lets-prove-a-point jackasses, aka Black Eyed Peas, or black leather gloves that didn't go. Country music was poorly represented. Terri Hatcher's dress? I didn't think it was so bad. I've seen worse. Like Mariah. I'm surprised there wasn't a "wardrobe malfunction".
OK, enough about that. I feel weird today. I took my Airborne, but it's like I'm hot, then cold. I just got over being sick, I take my vitamins, I work out, what the hell?
My concern about the work issue? Well, it's resolving itself. The bull-in-the-china-cabinet partner they had lined up for me has now been replaced with a much more desirable canidate. Looks like the honey wins!! For the next week, I"m sleeping as late as I possibly can. Morning show starts soon, and then it's work at 5:30 am. I'll miss my sleep, dearly.
I gotta get to work...toodles

Flower Time is anytime

2006-02-02T10:16:00.000-06:00

February has arrived. How can you not tell, with waves of red and pink in every store I walk in to? OK, I do like the fuzzy red socks that play "you are my sunshine" but I can't buy them!!! And yes, everyone should get flowers for V-day. Actually, everyone should get flowers at anytime. But not carnations, that's way too funeral...something like Gerbera Daisies, they can't help but make you smile!
OK, there's plenty of time for the Holiday-o-Love. One of my favorite holidays? St Patty's Day!!! Got big plans this year, more details as they come available.
Oh, the nagging bother. No, it's not the lack of fiber, indeed, I'm healthy as ever!! T -minus 2 more pounds this week, so feeling good there. I didn't miss yoga class this week. Actually, the bother has to do more a work situation. There's some bother left over from losing my best friend, I would expect that. However, I'm glad I've turned a page, and started a new chapter. My new job is such a confirmation that I'm in the right place. Without making the story longer than it has to be, understand there are 6 radio stations in this building. There are only 2 women on air of all of them, myself, and a gal on the hip-hop station (CHR in radio term). As you can imagine, there's quiet a bit of work for a female voice. Good with me, that means money, but as it usually happens, this female is getting moved to the morning show. I knew this when I was hired. I knew that I would spend a couple of months getting to know the current morning show host to establish a viable work relationship. That's always a little nerve wrecking, cause what if I hate the guy? Then what? Well, as you can imagine, that nagging bother emerged from meeting this person, and trying to figure out how I can form a team, that's funny, efficient, and gaining ratings. I like the guy, I do. I'm just thinking business at this point. This is a big enough project, but I'm feeling a bit discouraged, and trying not to show it. This is like mixing beer and ice cream. I'm not sure if I'm the beer, or the ice cream. Either way, it looks to be a challenge. I won't include many details, there are working themselves out, but this is a chance to make a decent name for our station, or make my boss regret that I moved to mornings. I lean more toward the first chance, but as a team, I'm only part of the product. Do I smell some trust issues? YES. This is my career, my name, and I've worked hard to make those a respected issue. Let's hope they stay that way. I think this is where honey attracts more then vinegar, but I'll have an extra bottle of apple cider version close by.

2006-01-30T15:37:00.000-06:00

YEE-HAW

list of randoms

2006-01-30T08:49:00.000-06:00

Well, at least all the vitamin C and disinfectant is working. All but a few sniffles are gone now. Good thing. Another week with lots to do.
It's almost February. Time to get out the pink and red cards, and hope for flowers, right? Nah. Time to think about NOT skipping yoga class. Weekly update on the crazy diet? t- minus 6 pounds. Is that from being near death sick? Probably, but it's good motivation just the same.
Latest news? Remember Baby Jessica? The kid who fell in the well 18 years ago. She got married this weekend. Not huge news, but news to make fun of. What kind of issues does a girl have after being the kid in the hole? Oh, and news that I love? Tom Cruise named for his acting skills! HA HA.
I sound like a gossip columnist. Not my intent. I'm just mixing Monday morning catch-up and coffee this morning. Maybe it's the lingering effects of that damn Niquil. I love the stuff, I do, but it's 9:00 and I feel a bit sluggish.
I'm loving Joe's post about a vacation. I've yet to decorate the office space, so maybe I'll throw some sand on the floor, and a beach towel over the chair. Better yet, let's have some cocktails for lunch and call it good.

oh, and the naggin bother, though still a bit of a worry, is working it's self out. We'll see how it goes.

pass the tissue, please

2006-01-27T09:12:00.000-06:00

second week of work, and what follies should befall me? I get sick. Not like a cold, sick. I'm talking eyes-may-pop-out-of-my-head-migraine, don't-let-me-smell-any-food-or-I-might-vomit-on-you, feel-like-I'm-hungover-dizzy, can't-move-my-ass-weak. Lucky for me, most of the office is this sick. There's been alot of pre-recording shows this week, and trying to avoid the pollutants (sick ones) in the hall. I could actually stand the shower this morning, instead of leaning against the wall. Things are looking up. It's inevidable that we would all be sick. We all use the same studios, the same mics. No matter how much I clean everything with disinfectant, there are still some germs floating around. The minute someone starts sniffling, everyone starts getting Lysol out, making sure everything is sprayed. Doesn't look like it helped this time. At least we can all suffer together.

Skid marks

2006-01-24T09:03:00.000-06:00

No, not that kind of skid marks,.........as in throwing on the brakes kind!!! Knew that would be a little eyebrow raiser. Taking a few minutes in my busy morning to talk.
I'm a little over a week at the new job, but working here before, it feels like a lot longer. I know it's not been long, because everyone still assumes I'm really nice and sweet! ha I'm glad to be back in the work that I love. I had forgotten how time consuming it can be, but it keeps me busy in my new chapter. It's good to be around different folks, even crazy radio ones. It's been a while since I've made new friends, and not because I'm so hard to get along with. Living in a small town, or on an island with a bunch of hippies doesn't make for real interesting people. Well, the hippies were interesting, just not real reliable. Besides, living in Key West are either retired folks, or co-ed springbreakers. Again, not really folks you can get to be friends with. At least here there are people my age, and they aren't in a drunken stage most of the day. It's refreshing really. I have a bit of a nagging bother today, but I need to think on it a bit more before I share it.

As radio folks, we get to try things, like the car, to talk about on the air. Such items include free concert tickets, food items, new drinks, there is no limit to our sell out quality. I've recently gotten to start a cooking school program, which is much like Emeril, minus the "BAM". It's really a blast. I take my grandmother, and we're lovin' it. Also on the lines of radio air-time hookers, is the new diet program I'm trying. Nothing does the ego good like someone saying "we've got a new diet program, we think you'd be perfect for it".....ouch. I know it's just another item to sell, and I actually get good drugs to take while I'm on it. Can u tell I'm trying to sooth my wounded self esteem? Then, I think about being skinny come bathing suit weather, and my ego is just fine. Besides, free pharmaceuticals? I'm in. So far the only side effect is the fact that my head itches.
I've got a million things to do, but I couldn't go without checking in. Happy Tuesday

busy

2006-01-19T09:05:00.000-06:00

oh yes. Lots to be done on a new job. I almost fell asleep in yoga class last night. oops. Keeping me going....would be the new car I get to drive for the next month(except the one I'm driving has a sunroof). Each month I get something new, and this one is pretty nice. It's not my Jeep, but it's fun. My ole Jeeper is sitting out here in the parking lot, and it's still got my heart. It's suppose to be nearly 70 today, so I'm not sure if I want to ride around with the sunroof, or ride around with the top down. Oh the choices!! On the air in few, but I didn't want to ignore the new blog. Gotta keep the love.
I'm reading over all the news for today. New feeds, piles of newspaper, anything on line that looks good. Actually, nothing looks good. There's women all over the news. The kidnapped journalist, the little girl beaten so badly that she may not live, no, not good. I'm looking at the picture of the little girl, and I'm fighting the tears. Can you imagine? No. What kind of a person would do something like that? I try not to watch television anymore. Not because I'm not truly American, but because the violence against women is everywhere. I'm not on my feminist soap box, but it's un-nerving seeing it all the time. I read an article that said it's actually dangerous to be watching such programs, because women may become de-sensitized to the danger, thinking that the bad guy always gets caught, and within an hour episode fixes the crime. Not so the case. For me, I just tend to get paranoid. I wouldn't have even thought about half the things I see on these programs. I guess I live in my little bubble that the glass is half full, and that happy endings can happen. Where is the balance? How can I be cautious, but not afraid? How can I believe in people, and fear them at the same time?
For now, there's peace on the home front.

back to what I know

2006-01-16T11:03:00.000-06:00

After the move, I obviously had to have a job. Since I'm back in the town where I've been before, it's good not to have to start all over. I know my way around town, know a few faces, and when I talked to my old company, they offered a job pretty quickly. That makes it pretty nice. So, after all the ruckus (excuse the red neck vocabulary intermission) I'm finally on a routine again, back to work, and feeling pretty good. I'm one of those people that have done the same kind of work for a long time, since high school actually. So here I go again. Its good to be back on air. Radio is such a crazy business. Most folks have a glamorous, and very unreal picture of what radio folks do. It's more than just talking for a few hours a day, dressed in old jeans with a cigarette in your mouth. It used to be that way. It's quiet different these day. More about the job later. Stay tuned, I'm sure there will be many more radio tales to emerge! I know it's Monday, and it's January, and normally those 2 things would amke for a pretty bland outlook, but in some annoying way, it doesn't seem to matter today. I hope you have something in your day that makes you smile, even if it doesn annoy someone when you do!

The quiet road

2006-01-14T15:41:00.000-06:00

It's sad that on the first day, first post, the beginning.... I should feel un-ispired today. So why not wit till I am inspired? It's like my workout routine for the new year...I have to start, whether I feel it or not, because I know that in the end, it will pay off. I had some good encouragement as well. My dear friend said it was a good idea to branch from the road I had been on, just as my life has done, and to continue traveling, even if I travel alone. They were wise words. So, my journey continues, with changes no doubt, but with the knowledge that I must keep moving, because I can't just stop the whole parade because I'm uncertain where the road leads.