my latest project

I know in the blog world, it can be a bit impersonal, hiding behind our anonymity, but this is something very personal to me. I recorded this version of the National Anthem just recently, and was very proud of not only the audio, but of the video that it was placed over (many kudos to the producer, as it was not me)

I hope you enjoy

a new day

Just as suspected, the gloomy mood didn't last, and today, the world is a little brighter place. I hate that unexpected slip into the dark places, but alas, it happens.

A talk with a good friend, a great glass of wine, and some sleep are good remedies, should this ever happen upon you! It's something like making your own sunshine, even when the clouds still loom over the horizon.

clouds in the road

sometimes it is hard to be the momma bear, being the shoulder for everyone else. It's not that I don't have the words or the time, but today, I'm the one that needs the support.

The world is a dingy grey color today, not black, but somewhere I can feel very alone, and sometimes, a bit useless.

I know that tomorrow, or even the next day, I will be back to my old self, full of cheer and encouraging words. The sun will shine, and I will once again realize how lucky I am, and be overwhelmed with thankfulness that my life is simple and at times, drama free. But for tonight, I will indulge just a bit, and be bothered by things that I normally don't think much about.

*my bed seems really lonely with only me in it

*I'm staring 30 years old straight in the face, and wonder what I have to show for it

* I haven't slept well in a while, because I feel a but unsafe in my house

thoughts from the corner of my mind

I believe in you
I believe that you will see the situation clearly, even if it's not today.
I believe that you are the great person I see underneath the pain and the uncertainty that plagues you today.
I believe that you are trying to fill a void that is painful, that makes you question how the rest of your life will turn out.
I believe that we have time. I believe that you can keep looking for something to fill that void, but that I will still be waiting to hold your hand. Don't look for other things too hard, I don't want something harmful to you making you forget.
I believe that you will see the truth, that you will see the worth that I see, that you will let yourself love again.
and when you do, I will be there

spring in the air

I thought spring was here, then snow arrives. I love Texas!

I love Texas in the spring especially. I've been back here a year this past month, and as I sit here this afternoon, with sunshine blazing through the open windows , the dogs playing in the yard, I think back at what a year its been. It has been a busy one, getting establisthed, starting a new life. I'm now on the course of slowing down a bit, enjoying more margaritas on patios, and more cookouts with friends.

I start a new job tomorrow, one very simliar to the one I've had all this past year, just a different place. I am excited about more money, new opportunites. I will get more time to ride my bike, which I love to do, more time for a life.

My birthday rolls around this weekend. It tends to be a time of reflection, time to make sure life is on the course I want, and to access what needs to be changed. I seem to be starting off rather well, with a better job in tow, and a great Texas summer ahead!

Welcome 2008

How did the new year get here already? I just looked up from working 7 days a week, and damn if it ain't January. I'm trying to keep up on the voting habits of people in New Hampshire, enjoy this crazy warm weather we had the last couple of days, and I' ve joined the ranks of Bicycle Greats like T-Bone, and now I have 2 wheels of exercise and entertainment. OOO, I LIKE IT. More on that later.

There's been what my grandad calls " a little math in the family..you know a little adding, a little subtracting"


Gertie's adopted sister, LuLu, went to live with a really nice family over the holiday.
She and Gertie weren't getting along too well, and I can't have that. Gertie is my girl. So LuLu has a nice family with some kids and a little life in teh country. Meanwhile, back in the city, this is my new addition ------------------------------------->
That would be Ruth Ann. Her and Gertie are like peas in a pod, and that makes me happy.

With the home life in order, I have taken up riding a bike. Oh, it's not something ambious like marathons and the like, it's just rides in the afternoon, since it's much like Spring these days. Besides, exercise never hurt anyone!
Mom and my stepdad have also joined the peddle pushers, and they ride together..aww how cute.

Well, heck, Happy New year all. Hope your holidays were a blast, or at least tolerable.
We'll talk more later!
Love ya, mean it!

Giving Thanks

Happy Holiday!

Time Change, Time for Change

Where did the year go?

Once again, we get an extra hour to fill with things to do, mostly holiday shopping for me right now. Yeah, I'm that girl. I will have all my shopping and wrapping done by Dec 1st, with the exception of baked goods. Cause really, nothing says happy holidays like stale cookies!!! I've been that girl for years. Spending time in radio, you know that December is a busy month with charities, and christmas parades, and holiday parties. This will be the first year I don't have to worry about walking in christmas parades in every town for 30 miles and throwing candy at poor unsuspecting children. This year, freezing my ass off for the sake of ratings had been replaced by bring cheer to others by way of holiday parties that are hosted at the restuarant. It's like a dream come true! Throwing parties in my place where I don't have to wash dishes, worry about the furniture, or run out of booze! Now, I can sit back, enjoy the holidays and "Merry Christmas to all!" Not really. Starting in less than a month, I will begin working 7 days a week. I have a feeling once Christmas actually gets here, I will be looking for the inspiration that makes my usualy holiday spirit flourish.

Before the frenzy of twinkle lights and garland, I'm trying to enjoy this great fall. I threw a dinner party last night, very small. 3 people, but it can be a dinner party with 1 person! Sitting outside, roasting homemade marshmellows, and laughing, trying to keep the puppies from out of the gooey mess I dropped...it was a good moment.

This still my weekend, so I've got a few things left to do.

Before I go, I thought a couple of pictures would be in order...

Gertie fast asleep, and with her new adopted sister, LuLu

three things you can't live without

Had to kinda think about that question...how broad do you make it?
I thought about cheesy answers, like my favorite red handbag, or Starbucks.

Then I thought about serious answers, like family and working transportation.

After careful consideration, I think I fall somewhere in somewhere in the middle.

Three things I can't live without:
1. my dog. She reminds me that things are simple, that daily naps are essential and rides in the car with the window down can be the event of the day.
2. music (not really a thing, but we'll go with it)
be it any form of music, music you listen to, music you make, or music you hear in your soul.
3. this one was a toss up. It falls somewhere between warm, gray socks in the winter, and a stanley thermos of margaritas in the summer.
just because both of those things are great!

what about you?

holiday weekend musings

Just about the time I'm out getting some summer on me, I find that summer is once again, almost over. Labor Day weekend. Traditionally the time of no more white shoes, white bags, and skinny dipping trips..well maybe not the last one. Rules of fashion, or even seasons, don't hold as much weight as they used to. Maybe because it's too hot in Texas to worry about the not white shoes, only felt cowboy hats kind of thought. It's a rainy day in Texas today, and that's ok, I don't feel as guilty about not getting something accomplished on this holiday. I may not have gotten the yard mowed, or the leaves swept off the porch, but I have a clean house and clean clothes, and a new blog entry to show for the weekend. Sunday and Monday are my days off anyway. I would almost forget about it being a holiday, except that I can't find a place to have a manicure today, everything is closed.
I feel pretty shallow blogging about a manicure on this day of rest for the American worker, but not shallow enough to worry much about it. I take my small joys where I can, and having a nice mani is one of them.
Speaking of small joys, since moving 6 months ago (has it really been that long?) I've established a very happy life. Great place, great job, a few friends..but no love interest. I didn't really think I was looking till I looked up, and 6 months had passed and I was running low on the love and affection meter. By low I mean nada, none, no love. I obviously don't write a sex blog, so I'll leave out details, but it took one good roll in the hay to make me miss really good sex. Well, sex at all really. I've never been much for such of the casual nature. And, someone significant in your life is never a bad thing.
I'm most certainly not one of those women who are seeking out a man, single mindedly trying to reach a goal. Nah, I'm more just keeping my eyes open.
All this story to say, as part of my small joys, I think I'm adopting a new dog. My sweet Gertie is lonely too these days, and I would like to fix that for her. I"m looking at another Boston Terrier, as I do love them. Besides, I like things to match!
Now, if adopting a man were that easy....

current on all shots...check
no biting, shedding or tearing up the furniture...check
if things don't' work out with other members of the family..you would like to have it animal back?...check

if only all things were so simple. :)

Get busy living

it's summer time people, no time to be sitting in front of a computer screen....get outside and get some summer on ya!

The goodness of life

OK, so Billie Holiday is on the speaker, the dog is piled on the bed, the wine glass is full, and on this Monday night, I am reminded of something the baker said...wait, let's catch up first.

I did take the plunge a couple of months ago, and made some changed in my life. Changes that were overdue, and much needed. They weren't easy, but well worth it. I miss my friends in Missouri, miss the weekends at the creek, and drives in the country. However, I am so glad to be back where I belong. There's a certainty in losing that feeling that I'm in wrong place. I've had these moments lately where I am sitting somewhere, usually in the sunshine, or driving in the Jeep, and I become so overwhelmed with feelings of happiness, or contentment, or whatever it is. I don't remember feeling that way working in radio. Oh, I used to have a good time, but I don't recall feeling like great things were possible. Over the last year, when I was thinking of trying something different, I kinda knew those feelings weren't there, and that I was looking for something different. I knew that I loved and had spent time dreaming of doing was being in a kitchen. I grew up around a restaurant, my grandparents owned one, and I loved it. So when I moved back to Texas, I made plans to attend culinary school. With that in mind, I began looking for jobs in the industry. I got extremely lucky, and found a promotions position with a Five Star Restaurant in Fort Worth. I took what I knew of being a promotions director in radio, and put it in practice here. I'm working on the culinary arts stuff as well, doing what I can online with restaurant management and planning, and once I get in full swing of the job, take my practical classes.
So, my desk sits at the end of our prep kitchen. Bread baking, and cookies coming out of the oven, and meals for catering and big parties (my part in the kitchen) are going on all the time.
Now, back to the baker part. Our baker's name is Grrr (well it's pronounced that way). He spent some time in the Israeli Army, and is such a great person to talk to. His English is great, and sometimes he sings in Hebrew. He goes out the the herb garden at the back of the restaurant in the mornings and picks a few springs of rosemary and mint and leaves then on my desk so I can make them into tea. I always thank him, and he says to me "I like to know that I can help contribute to the goodness in your life"

tonight, I'm definitely contributing

Springtime

It's here again, just when I think that winter will never end, and that frost at Easter made it feel like it. But the grass needs mowing all the time, the allergies are alive and well, yes, Spring has indeed sprung. With that, comes less time at the computer, and more time in the sunshine. Between work, which is great, and making some new friends, keeping up with some old ones, and making float trip plans, the glass remains half full.
Good news on the home front! My stepdad has been needing a new kidney for a couple of years now, and if you have been through that, or know someone who has, it can be agonizing! But a donor has been found, and we should know a date on the big day soon. After that, my mom and stepdad are planning on closer to me, as in coming back to Texas. That makes me happy for more than one reason. They will be closer to visit, I can keep an eye on my step dad a little more, have his expert auto advise handy when attempting things like replacing shocks on my Jeep, and for my parents, this is an opportunity for a new life. Since losing my little brother, this is the first time they are consciencely making the effort to move on.
I feel the need for a walk this morning, so I'm grabbing Gertie, and off we go!

my flower

between the hail, and the snow from last week, there are few, if any, wildflowers left to cheer the drivers these days. Cheer is exactly what we could use as I watch the news this evening, and am served another reminder that life is fleeting, and so precious. It came as such a vivid reminder, that I just wanted to stick around the house tonight, cooking dinner, listening to some music, and tossing the ball for Gertie. I am overwhelmingly grateful tonight for the life that I have, that I didn't lose someone I love today, that I have hope for tomorrow.

I wish I could put that feeling into some sort of visual representation. I would put it along every highway, street, roadways, so that someone in traffic, or on their way to work could see it, and feel that same.

it's all good

I needed to blog, but there wasn't anything significant to talk about. Life has taken a routine, and that is something I couldn't be happier about. Moving and starting a new job, and all that entails makes you appreciate the habits.
I was driving somewhere a few days ago. The sun was shining, and traffic was moving slow. That's actually my favorite traffic. No one can get mad at me for driving my favorite speed of 45. I drive a jeep, 70 feels like being inside a parachute.... Back to my story. Traffic was taking its time, and when I looked to the side of the road, the sight I saw brought tears to my eyes. In that moment, I realized a great truth, that I was happy. My dog is happy, my Jeep is paid off, I have a job I love to go to each day, I have met some really great people over the last couple of months. Yep, I'm happy, and content for the first time in a long time.

what was this point of inspiration?

....a patch of bluebonnets right on highway 35

ahhh

I finally have internet connection!!

Do a happy dance!!!

sunburned knuckles

If you drive a Jeep, you know the post title well, and look forward to the first days of warm weather when you can roll back the soft top, sunburn odd parts of your body, like above mentioned, and my favorite, your forehead. This is only masterfully accomplished by tying my golden locks back in my favorite scarf, much like our friend here, the nameless, colorless and body-less mannequin (though I have sense enough to match my lipstick to my scarf). What a dummy. AHAH! Back to sunburn..just above the sunglasses, and just below the scarf, that's about the only place I have a tan these days. Anyway, took the day off, being that it's my birthday. I try to take a good afternoon trip in the Jeep on my birthday, and this year was no exception. Gerdie and I celebrated not only my birthday, but our anniversary (we've been together one year) by packing a picnic lunch, complete with a side of dog food for her. We drove and listened to my absolute favorite cd, courtesy of the ipod these days, and I wondered how many times those songs have played through my Jeep speakers with the top down, and forehead a-burnin'...
How much do I love that Easter is around the corner too? Enough to buy a bag of this Cadbury robin eggs, the ones with the crunchy shell that are solid chocolate...yeah, that bad won't last long. Happy birthday to me!! Now for a quick nap, gonna grill out in a bit, and maybe have a drink with some friends later tonight.
it has been a wonderful day so far.

what tha...

I looked up, and a week had passed since I blogged?! Where did the time go?
Y'all were right, enjoy the down time, cause I'm knee deep in things to do right now. Since there's so many things going on, I'll try to cover them all.

I've touched on the subject of career change, but only slightly. The reason being, the people that do know look at me like I've lost a small section of my brainwhen I tell them what direction I'm going . But since I can't see what kind of look you're giving me, I feel like expanding on the subject.

If you knew me past the world of blogging, you would know that radio broadcasting is in my blood. I love it. I love the people. I love the hurried pace, the last second stress, thinking through every word that come across a mic, being able to turn a conversation in a second, those moments when your O.C.D. like organization makes a break, that doesn't last more than a couple if minutes, work perfectly.
Then there are the parts like never getting paid as much as my male partners, though I've got the college, experience and talent to run circles around them, and being awake at 3 am is not good, not even if you're still up. If you work in country music, you should know something about it, I think you should appeal to your audience. Most djs don't have that. Working 14 or 17 days straight is not glamorous at all. When people laugh at you being tired because "all you do is talk a few hours a day", and you know every word to every commercial and jingle that has played on the air for at least the last 6 years, it begins to wear on a person.
Radio is torture to it's djs. It such an oxymoron to take a dynamic, outgoing, energetic person, and put them in a room by themselves. Most djs that have been in radio for while, and not those that made it big time so that the fat paycheck evens out the odds, but the little guys, most of them are heavy drinkers, smokers, or close up most of the their personalities. It can be torture.

So when I woke up, and saw that radio, like most things that seem to idealistic as a college student, wasn't idealistic at all, I wanted a change. I left radio once, for a couple of years, and found that sitting behind a desk was just as torturous. All that energy with no where to go. So, back to radio I went. All the endorsement deals with new cars to drive, free beer at local establishments and people asking for autographs can seem very appealing for a while.

and since this post is so much longer than I meant it to be, the next installment will be the soul searching answers that are changing my life......
"more after the break, don't go anywhere"

sooooo....

I could have cried over tv again because I was so damn bored with the Oscars. I cooked while it was blabbing on the television, so at least I had a good meal when it was done.
In my boredom, I completed the following list...yay

This is not the lesst bit original, it came across myspace, and since I LOOOOVVVVEEE lists (all the important information, not worries with stuff like puncuation and properly placed capital letters) I figured I'd re post it here. So if you've been checking the "my other page link" on the right, sorry for the re run.

10 Random Things About ME
1. I like my dog better than I like most people I know
2. I can't whistle
3. I would still drive my jeep if I were stinkin' rich
4. I'm six feet tall without my high heels on
5. Fourth of July is my favorite holiday, followed closely by St. Pat's Day
6. I eat cake icing right out of the can
7. I'm a news junkie
8. I was an Opera major in college
9. I'm thinking of changing careers
10. I'm nervous about #9

9 Things I've Have Done In The Past 24 Hours
1. Ran 2 miles
2. listened to my IPOD
3. spent too much time on the internet
4. listened to the train go by
5. washed sheets
6. kissed my dog (on the top of her head)
7. cooked red beans and rice
8. took a nap
9. drank beer by candle light (there was no power in the bar)

8 Favorite Singers/Bands/Artists (no particular order)
1. Asleep at the Wheel
2. Eva Cassidy
3. Jack Ingram
4. Corrine Bailey Rae
5. Lily Allen
6. Willie and Lobo
7. Rat Pack
8. Nina Simone

7 Things On the "To DO" list
1. Wash dishes
2. Nap
3. check email , again
4. buy dog food
5. take out the trash
6. re do my workout play list on ipod
7. be patient while waiting to hear on the job (or find a sugar daddy)

6 Things to do when bored
1. To Do LIST!
2. Nap
3. play ball with the dog
4. go for a walk
5. cook
6. AIM/Chat

5 Favorite Movies
1. Happy Texas
2. Bridges of Madison County
3. Three Amigos
4. Open Range
5. ( I"M sure there another one, I just can't think..)

4 Favorite Books
1. Border Music, BY Robert James Waller
2. Bad Girls' Guide to the Open Road, By Cameron Tuttle
3. Sweet Potato Queens Book of Love
4. Readings and Recitations for Winter Evenings (copyright 1895)

3 Favorite Foods
1. Peanut Butter
2. Pasta
3. Ica Cream

2 Things I am wearing
1. Yoga pants
2. t shirt

1 Favorite Person
1. right now? The Person I am becoming

get a tissue

what is it about the word tissue that I love?
Anyway, another tear soaked evening with Grey's Anatomy. It's very dramatic these days, but I'm still lovin' every minute of it. Can't wait till the third season comes out on DVD, then I'll watch every episode with a box of TISSUE, and love it all over again.
Oh, and good news. My feelings of complete worthlessness are almost over. Something about not being able to find a job I felt good about was really putting me in a funk! Then add some family members that are mad at me for moving away from them, some family members that are mad that I left those family members, and a birthday on the way (YIKES) that I will likely spend alone just around the corner, and yeah, FEELING LIKE A PILE OF COW POOP!
buuuuuttt.....I know Gertie will spend my birthday with me, my family can be mad if that's what they want, and I might have THE job. I interviewed today. I did it all right, from the handshake to the perfectly timed joke, I'm feeling some serious excitement in my toes over this one. And like I said, it doesn't hurt the ego to feel useful again.
Keep you posted on the job, don't want to jinx it!
On the issue of my birthday, I'm ok with that one too. Just the fact that my birthdays aren't about dancing on tables and everyone passing out in a hotel room bring me to tears with thankfulness that I'm getting older. I find myself wanting a little less whiskey and a little more vodka and cranberry these days.


I should not post about getting older when I've pathetically cried over prime time television. I'm going to remain pathetic for a little while longer...bubble bath or something...
toodles